i almost cry

wow....
what a day...
i almost cry today...
we had this perjumpaan with our lecturers...well it's about our first semester result.
they wanna know what's our problems and why can't we get good pointers for first semester..
so there's a lot of advice's, open questions ( kena panggil nama juga --paksaan )
when dr sazmal ask is there anyone wanted to speak up or voice out their opinion or whatsoever 
i just stay still sitting there..listen to people complaints...and hoping that my name wont be call out cause if he ask me what's wrong ..i'm gonna tell him everything and my tears will never stop falling...
i thought that just now we gonna get our one on one conversation and i was actually looking forward for it! But it turn out that we gonna have that conversation after we get our result...
gosh!! i have to wait again??
seriously i so tired of waiting cause all this waiting making me crazy and stress...
i couldn't focus on my studies and everything..
there's no one that i could express all my worries to!!!!


at least if i have my one on one conversation with any of the lecturers i'll be feeling ok a bit...
i wanna tell them that i keep on questioning if i choose the right path? should i drop out? should i give up? should i stop or should i change my habit? be confident? not afraid of asking question? don't be so self-conscious? 
i don't know why but there's always something that pulling me back when i actually have the courage to do something..there's always this " thing" stupid "thing" that pulling me back....


maybe that " thing" is me=myself!
i'm the one that thinking much..to shy to ask Q's in front of people...think too much about others ..what's their impression if i did this,did that---when actually people don't care, in fact they'll be glad if you ask something that they scare to ask for....
gosh i should have think about that point! not everybody perfect...in fact nothing PERFECT in this world...btw..perfect is boring... imagine if the world is so perfect in everything ..wouldn't it be dull?? and you don't need to do anything in your life and there's no up's and down's that gonna give a taste of bitter,sour,sweet and hot in your life!!!


nobodies perfect ..bear it in mind....
now i realized that you must not care about others ..just care about yourself...
it's tiring too to take care of others business when you have your OWN problems...
anyway 1 more day left until i get my result....
take this a lesson everyone...
i believe that every dark cloud has a silver lining...
i've learnt my lesson, i never wanted to repeat the same mistake twice...
this is the path that i choose..no matter what i couldn't stop nor turning back..there's no turning back only a  one way direction!


you don't wanna mess with your studies or life right?
cause in the end your the one who would enjoy it or who would regret it!
think wisely in choosing the life that you wanna life...


that's all for today ~.~
   

i sense failure~


did i chose the right path???
i keep on questioning myself did i chose the right path by entering science class...
hmmm....now at ASASI UMS--so stressful!!!
i didn't do well in my final exam for semester 1 and i'm totally regret about it...
our lecturer told us that there's quite a few people get 2.5 pointer above and when and there's two person got 2.5 below...and when he say that he's like say it while looking at me...
i was like is he saying about me???
arghhhh...
i have a feeling that i might not be getting 3.0 pointer above...
i wanted it so badly...even if i get exact 3.0 i would be grateful enough and push myself to achieve better result in semester 2 & 3.


how am i gonna face my parents and aunt and uncle???
my god....
why do i keep repeating the same mistake???
i don't want to disappoint my parents..
they have high hopes and faith in me...


i just count my pointer that i targeted ...and it sucks...really below 3.0
i feel like wanna cry but the thing is it's my own fault...
i didn't make the perfect preparation to sit for my exam...
i take it easy and laze around...
but i did try my best not that i play all the time...i studied!!!
is there anything wrong with my ways of study?? did i missed something or lack of  exercises?? 


uhhhh...i really wanted to have 3.0 pointer above....i need this pointers so badly!!! 
this friday is the day ...
i'm so scare and nervous about my result...
what if i didn't get what i expected no no what i WANT???
should i be giving up or work my ass out? 
anyway i just pray to GOD and hopefully i can make my parents proud.  

Based on psychologic study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love.


hahah is this true? 
can you imagine it..if you can get along with your crush in that maximum 4 months then suddenly you are madly in love with him/her...


i do have a crush on someone and that feeling never seem to be gone or fade away~
is this count as love? coz it's on and off...
anyway..couple days ago i've decided to forget about him...hahahaha how funny ...
but yet i kept on thinking about him...


it takes me a long time to make this decision ...ahh i don't wanna talk about it....no fun at all...gonna write about my holidays then~ catch up

Boring....aha learning

Lambat post....suppose to post this months ago~
Once again annyeonghaseyo..........
this is my another story......whatever la.....

Before this boring holiday...
I was hoping that i will end my secondary education quickly so that i wouldn't wake up at 5.oo a.m. in the morning...and do my daily routine as a student..which is go to school ( og course la), going to other class, get into the lab,attending tuition class and facing test and exam every day,every week,every month and most of all facing SPM...
Thank God i manage to sit my SPM examination and answer it all...
I could not say that i have answer all the Q's perfectly but i can say that i've done my best...So to know whether i did my best or not it's all gonna be answer in period of 2 months more.........hope i would not disappoint my parents and my teachers.

After i've finished answering the last paper of my SPM on 15th December...I thought i would experience a different feeling or excitement but then nothing,,,,seems numb...completely the same feeling that i feel when i've finished answering paper for common exam at school....relieved yeah of course but then happy not really....i really-really thought something different will happen but seems like nothing AT ALL!!!
Except that night we have dinner together as class but later i update it...

And so...I began to feel boring after 2 days finished SPM..finished secondary school....
suppose to be happy but boring....
How can that be??
I began to miss my routine as a student........the same feeling i got after returning from KK....more boring coz nothing to do...

and so i made a deal with my mum and dad........
I'm willing to become a maid as long as they pay me money..so that i don't have to go to town and work....( very Cerewet la) and so i set my routine as a maid.........
wake up...bath...set breakfast ..after that clean the kitchen..then sweep and mop the floor...then..hang the clothes and tidy house....at noon rest a while..do some work outs....prepare dinner then again tidy all the mess...then have my free time....
the problem is when you get your job done earlier you will really get bored after finished your job...by noon all my job has done.....at night no need to do more...SO BORING LA...

even watching tv will be very damn sucks..........coz i have to wear my glasses and that's hurt....and so i have an idea why not i go and learn some thing...just to increase my knowledge....do something i like...

LEARNING NEW LANGUAGES...hahah

I began to learn to speak Korea........
gosh it is so hard to speak the language....
even to pronounce it also damn hard.....but people say with determination sure u can achieve what u wish for....although it's a bit hard but i would be satisfied if i can speak simple sentences...or basic...

@missA_min Min Unnie! I drew you! What do you think? :) on Twitpic

@missA_min Min Unnie! I drew you! What do you think? :) on Twitpic


this is really cute~.~ hahah
how i wish i could draw ..i mean literally good in art...
when i draw a cat..it turn out to be a lion or something that is so hideous~ lol that's me....
but luckily and thank god i can draw those specimens that i observed during bio class...lalalala at least there something i could proud of in art....just that

silence ...shuzzz..verbal ?? whatever...

my goodness,,,
                        what happen to me today??
                                                                  i'm so stress out until i refuse to talk to anyone...........

here it's goes again...me silence + paper .
write down everything i want and show it to others..like i did in school...

actually i don't even know why i refuse to talk or speak...hahha 
                          i always in this state or situation if i get super stress or aRGGHH don't know hw to describe....

anyway....i'm smiling alone like wacko...and blah blah blah blogging and facebooking...sadly no one cares..but  who cares..i'm not a attention seekers...
                let them be..let me be...the way i want just for today...
           DAMN MORAL---because of you i had to neglect my studies...my eveerything...i'm stuck ...SHITAKE,,,,

URGHHHHHHH ....
gonna do it somehow to...,it's important though .....
shitzellllllllllll.............
yeah go on...........

                                        i'm sorry for not talking to my friends too...but after this i'll be alright...
                                i'm just stress out bcoz..it's nearly the due date of my moral assignment and exam soon and i haven't revise anything yet and i just sleep sleep sleep all the time....

It's just me that was wrong...
and i hate that i let myself drifted away like this........

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------that's all adios...

Wow ...what A surprise..3.8.2011


Yeah Happy Birthday to me :)
I'm 18 already hahaha....
yeah finally i can yell and said i'm 18 huhu....

Gosh.
my birthday this year was a whole lot different than last year...
I thought this year will not celebrating my birthday.or i'm going to celebrate it alone...
..there's a story i'll tell u guys one by one,,,,


the day before my birthday..
my parents ignore me 
they didn't want to answer my call and reply my messages.... 
so i just let them be...they purposely doing it...

then when dinner with my friends..hahah
they mention about jogging and how already we didn't go for a jog...
become fat la and so on..
so i suddenly suggest that let's go for a walk tonight...
and sulina say yes with sakinah...lol


hmm stars...
that night..2.8.2011 no stars at all...
and there's lightning all of the sudden but it doesn't rain..
there's this red thing in the skies...it suddenly become red like that..
and so i told sulina and sakinah maybe i will getting bad luck tomorrow..
and they say want to slap me la and say i'm very superstitious like that...

i was wondering why they cough and run out of breathe like that...
but then i thought maybe it's be so long we didn't jog and they didn't exercise and so they easily tired or what...

when we reach my our room...and the door open ...
TaDA...happy birthday to you,happy birthday to you,happy birthday to alexcia,happy birthday to you..
wow!!!

BIG SMILE ON MY FACE..
Tears nearly fall..and surprised ..
sulina & sakinah crying..i was like 'why they cry?' supposed to be i'm that cry..
then sul show me my mum message...
my mum ask me to make a surprise party for me..and ask sul to pinch my face..
gosh that time i cry and very moved...

THAT's THe SWEETEST thing a person had ever do for me...
i quickly call her and my dad...
gosh miss them so much..i'm crying crying outside the room...
really really moved...

then i received many birthday wishes from friends in facebook..
sul's wish was the best if i had to rate...very poetic...
hahah love it seriously...



then the whole day i couldn't stop smiling...
3.8.2011
indeed at meaningful day for me..
in the class they sang birthday song for me..
then my girls keep on teasing me birthday girl la..
i was hoping to receive a text from someone..but never mind...
who cares about that already...( ya rite )

anyway..i hope i get present --a lot when i go back tawau...
yihaa soon i'll be coming home...
27.8.2011..
i coming home dear tawau...
missing you...

my mom bought new tv...and hopefully she buy me new phone which she has bought but still it's her possession ..i hope she give it to me ...
i fantasize about it and even watching youtube search the picture and so on..damn i do get the feeling she won't give it to me...
haha nevermind la..

still 12.9.2011 final exam..counting my days on...
and bio report again damn...

until then adios



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hmm....i'm a happy go lucky person...at least that what my friends said about me... sometimes i get too shy and just would lock myself in my bedroom...ya right like that's ever happen..kiding... i like to play around with people...u can say i'm a friendly person...ahhaha...just send ur comments to me...by that u can get to know me better..if you want to... so nice to meet you guys....
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