Today was supposed to be a one fine day without tears or worries..
"You can"t predict the future, you'll never know what happen next" ---> really exist..and is proven to be true...damn i hate this...

I was watching How I Meet Your Mother, i laughed and laughed but why do I can't stop crying shizzz.....
Mommy noticed me and let me be alone...
These " indescribable feelings" is stupid...I hate this thing..
I been doing a lot of thinking ever since i came to Tawau and I didn't really be that happy as i thought i would...

Where's my spirit went? 

Been so long since i last posted something here...
I miss my blog...like seriously...
oooooo bloggie...miss ya

Well...Sem II is done and over...the end of it...
That's mean holly Holiday...
I'm at Tawau enjoying my holiday...with my funny and annoying family....

Arrived safely at Tawau on last Saturday...
Feeling excited when i get off the plane and feel the air ...
On the way back home...
Received a text ..
Reluctant to reply but yet i'm still replying ...
After two messages..i stopped without saying thanks or goodbye...

It doesn't make me feel any better..
But then..after that i'm back to myself..and just wanna laze around at home...

I went to the town, didn't buy anything or shop ..coz i'm thinking of buying mommy new phone..which will cost a lot...i mean my money..ahhh..but then i insist wanna buy it! Really ...

Did some survey at the Town...not that expensive..but "habis juga" my elaun
Mati la...but you have to be sincere...since mommy been giving ..and i only know how to receive but don't know how to give ..

Gosh talking about phone...i just missed my chance of getting new phone...
thing is that i wasn't really keen to that phone for the first time...but after i read the reviews and so on...it;s kinda good...
Just when i'm about to ask for it back...someone else have already took it! damn that person...shizzzz....
BB touch..i want u back...
Never mind ..i wait for u HTC :)

And so..i went on many mobile shops to check on the price and make comparisons among it...to get the cheapest price of all...
but yet the price is same and exact in all the mobile phone i went...
did withdraw my money but haven't purchase yet....
later la...coz i wanna buy this one pair of shoe...gosh...please don't buy it to other people that have the intention to buy that Shoe....hopefully i can get it! ahhhh

Just now we're Barbeque-ing....
so lot of chikinnnn....and food...wow...
i'm full yo....and people keep on saying i gain weight and so on..arhhhhh hate them...

Now i'm tired..but then still wanna online...gonna keep updating ma blog...
so long people..adios..
  

Well you never know what..
Why "she" looked happy right...
Maybe she pretending to be so...so that people won't know what's her problem...or don't wanna burden people with her trouble...


Wake up this morning, with tears roll down my face...
i dream about my family...
Its a scary dream which i really don't want it to be really happen...
I remember how i cry so much in my dream....what if it really happen? 
I really don't want it to be happen....
It hurts so much and very sad...until you , yourself didn't realized that tears were rolling down from your eyes to your cheeks ...
Those dream i had as if it was real...please God don't let it happen...


Worried, i call my mom...
My brother were the one picked up the phone ( i hold myself to stop crying )
Glad could hear their voices...
Dad was not at home...mom talked to me...
I tell her about my dream...
About dad...and coincidentally the situation ( although not the same 100%) that i had in my dream had happened to dad....
Luckily nothing bad happen....


Gosh...my mum told me that she dream about me too....
I read somewhere before and heard people said that when you miss someone..they will appear in your dream..and unexpectedly they actually dream about you..and that means they misses you badly as you do...
Wow..i'm glad thinking that they do care about me...misses me a lot too....
Now i knew..that when you dream about someone although coincidentally, they actually misses you and wanted to meet you...it's true though....


I know i might sound childish and immature...but imagine yourself to be apart from your love one for months and years...
Can you guarantee yourself that you'll be ok without them?
Would you not miss them??
Would you be happy around strangers, new friends ???


Unless you are very passive and very independent..you won't feel the same way as i am..but yet---you're alone and very lonely--nevertheless you'll have to admit it!


I may be acting mean , sarcastic and keep on teasing people ..not that i intend to do so..just that my family always did that to me...
They always tease me in cute and funny ways...just to irritates me..make me angry...
It just one of my way to distract myself from missing them so much...but yet i couldn't hold it...


But i have to be strong too...
I'm going to be away from them in a very long period of time....
Acting like a baby crying so badly..well we need to cry sometimes....haaaaaaaa...feel much better


Why do i always write something sad??
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii




At least i still have my blog ~.~
That's all i wanna write for today....




I just spend my time listening to this song..and cried so much...
Typing while listening this song

Lately i been blogging about my sadness and stuffs and bla bla shizzzzzzzzzzzz...
let me share something with you guys...
it's about things that i wanna buy lol...wanna have
FYI---we got our money already haahaha
now ti's shopping time..there's a lot that i wanna buy..but first i wanna have that top! 
gonna find it.....


second...because of sully...i began to like feathers...in fact some of this pic's were taken from her tumblr...well it's coz i like it lol....


cool isn't it? kinda bohemian and red indian style...


oh yeah i wish my hair grow longer too.....please grow faster...............
i been missing my good old days with my long hair....


i need rings too....oh my..big gems stones rings...that's what i want....
need to find more.....


her hair reminds me of sully....except hers blonde sully black brown in color like that...


just wish my hair grow longer....
but then i couldn't just simple spend my money....now its me supporting myself...duh...hate it...

Seriously i'm crying now~
It's been a long time you know...last week was absolutely a stressful week for me...i don't know why..but there's something i just can't figure out what?
I refuse to eat like i usually do...
I'm hungry but i don't feel like eating..its like i'm torturing myself....
Now that's i'm stress with my physic lab report....my gosh!!!
Huh funny thing happened last week....
During physics AMALI..
I was supposed to be in a group with my girls akin & leeza..so there's 3 of us with 2 boys which i don't want to mention at all....
We supposed to be the only group that have 5 members...but then there's another shit group go and form another group with 5 members...
so there's one group with only 3 members in....


The tutor asked anyone from our group to get in the other group so that there's 4 members in the group but then why us???
and what's worst WHY ME? 
why do i have to be the one that go out from my own group?
please la!!!
that's shit 5 girls should be "keluar" from the group...


What's worst one of the boys in our group ask me to go and join the other group!!!
At first i was shocked!!
Then i try not to listen to his words..then the tutor force me to join the other group!


Well i was ok at first...i just unwillingly went to the other group and do different experiment ....
But yet i was so sad...very very sad the fact that i have to be apart from akin and leeza...
I admit that i wanted to stay and be with them so that when i got problems in doing my lab report..there will be them to help me...and who i can ask for help...
but when i sit at the other table and look at their group no wonder the "boy" ask me to join my current group...cause they were SMART....they consist of very very intelligent people...then i suddenly have those negative thoughts ...
perhaps i wasn't so smart then i was the best choice to be kick out...


i wasn't angry or mad at anyone..it's just that was what i had in mind....my opinion...
i trusted my current group..perhaps we just so so but i hope we can prove to them that we're not just so-so..we do have the "thing" that could make you all jealous and proud....


yeah i'm stressed cause i feel so dumb and i don't know how to start my lab report until i give up and lazy to do anything...i can't even sleep well....that's why i thought about blogging and express all my sadness here...


I have MUET this Wednesday ...
I still have MATHS to revise ..
I still have loads of thing to do...
but yet here i am crying while blogging...
i do need this tears...at least i feel better a bit...
i can't scream and yell...
so the best thing is to cry...
the first thing i wanna do tomorrow is calling my mum...and tell her everything that's been going on....
i won't be crying tomorrow--that i guarantee ...
although Sully thinks that i might get stress about some one but then it's not him...don't worry...
it's because of my lab report,my tutorials, all that maths test..and MUET that was stressing me out ...
I finally figure it out...
For now i just don't know what to do.....


don't be a loser like me...
only loser will sulk and do things like i did now...smart people won't do like this...they always have confidence..


''A pessimist always finds difficulties in opportunities , but an optimist always finds opportunities in difficulties" 


Well I lost my confidence..and i find difficulties in simple thing!!! 
Oh GOD i need guidance...i don't want to be a loser!!!

Yeah it's October already..
It's the month of rosary..
blessed month..
Too bad..i cannot follow my communities and went house to house to pray..
But i can always pray here...
It's time to repent --for me..
I've sinned therefore i need to repent myself before it's too late...
hopefully under HIS guidance i shall be able to be a better person....
not doing the same mistakes ever again...
i'm really regret of what I've done...
anyway i'll try to turn a new leaf and be a better person...





The Creed
I believe in God,the Father of all almighty,creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of Holy spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified,died,and was buried.He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into heaven,and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins,the resurrection of the body,and life everlasting.Amen.

Our Father 
Our Father in heaven, holy be your name, your kingdom come,  you will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sins against us.Do not bring us to the test but delivered us from evil. Amen


Hail Mary
Hail Mary full of grace,the Lord is with you,blessed are you among women,and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus. Holy Mary,Mother of God,pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death.


Glory Be
Glory be to the Father,and to the Son,and to the Holy Spirit,as it was in the beginning is now, and will be forever.Amen.


Fatima Prayer
O my Jesus,forgive us our sins,save us from the fires of hell and bring all souls into heaven especially those who need most of your mercy.


Hail Holy Queen
Hail Holy Queen, Mother of mercy,our life,our sweetness,and our hope. To you do we cry,poor banished children of Eve; to you do we send up our signs,mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, O most gracious advocate , your eyes of mercy towards us, and after this our exile, show us the blessed fruit of your womb,Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.


Let us pray: O God, whose only begotten Son, by his life,death and resurrection,has purchased us the rewards of eternal salvation. Grant,we pray that by meditating upon these mysteries if the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise through the same Christ, our Lord. Amen


L:  May the divine assistance remain always with us.
R:  Amen.
L:  May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
R: Amen.
L: May the blessing of the Almighty God: Father, Son,and Holy Spirit descend upon us and remain with us always.
R: Amen.


Have a blessed month everyone ~.~