Well you never know what..
Why "she" looked happy right...
Maybe she pretending to be so...so that people won't know what's her problem...or don't wanna burden people with her trouble...


Wake up this morning, with tears roll down my face...
i dream about my family...
Its a scary dream which i really don't want it to be really happen...
I remember how i cry so much in my dream....what if it really happen? 
I really don't want it to be happen....
It hurts so much and very sad...until you , yourself didn't realized that tears were rolling down from your eyes to your cheeks ...
Those dream i had as if it was real...please God don't let it happen...


Worried, i call my mom...
My brother were the one picked up the phone ( i hold myself to stop crying )
Glad could hear their voices...
Dad was not at home...mom talked to me...
I tell her about my dream...
About dad...and coincidentally the situation ( although not the same 100%) that i had in my dream had happened to dad....
Luckily nothing bad happen....


Gosh...my mum told me that she dream about me too....
I read somewhere before and heard people said that when you miss someone..they will appear in your dream..and unexpectedly they actually dream about you..and that means they misses you badly as you do...
Wow..i'm glad thinking that they do care about me...misses me a lot too....
Now i knew..that when you dream about someone although coincidentally, they actually misses you and wanted to meet you...it's true though....


I know i might sound childish and immature...but imagine yourself to be apart from your love one for months and years...
Can you guarantee yourself that you'll be ok without them?
Would you not miss them??
Would you be happy around strangers, new friends ???


Unless you are very passive and very independent..you won't feel the same way as i am..but yet---you're alone and very lonely--nevertheless you'll have to admit it!


I may be acting mean , sarcastic and keep on teasing people ..not that i intend to do so..just that my family always did that to me...
They always tease me in cute and funny ways...just to irritates me..make me angry...
It just one of my way to distract myself from missing them so much...but yet i couldn't hold it...


But i have to be strong too...
I'm going to be away from them in a very long period of time....
Acting like a baby crying so badly..well we need to cry sometimes....haaaaaaaa...feel much better


Why do i always write something sad??
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii




At least i still have my blog ~.~
That's all i wanna write for today....




I just spend my time listening to this song..and cried so much...
Typing while listening this song

Lately i been blogging about my sadness and stuffs and bla bla shizzzzzzzzzzzz...
let me share something with you guys...
it's about things that i wanna buy lol...wanna have
FYI---we got our money already haahaha
now ti's shopping time..there's a lot that i wanna buy..but first i wanna have that top! 
gonna find it.....


second...because of sully...i began to like feathers...in fact some of this pic's were taken from her tumblr...well it's coz i like it lol....


cool isn't it? kinda bohemian and red indian style...


oh yeah i wish my hair grow longer too.....please grow faster...............
i been missing my good old days with my long hair....


i need rings too....oh my..big gems stones rings...that's what i want....
need to find more.....


her hair reminds me of sully....except hers blonde sully black brown in color like that...


just wish my hair grow longer....
but then i couldn't just simple spend my money....now its me supporting myself...duh...hate it...

Seriously i'm crying now~
It's been a long time you know...last week was absolutely a stressful week for me...i don't know why..but there's something i just can't figure out what?
I refuse to eat like i usually do...
I'm hungry but i don't feel like eating..its like i'm torturing myself....
Now that's i'm stress with my physic lab report....my gosh!!!
Huh funny thing happened last week....
During physics AMALI..
I was supposed to be in a group with my girls akin & leeza..so there's 3 of us with 2 boys which i don't want to mention at all....
We supposed to be the only group that have 5 members...but then there's another shit group go and form another group with 5 members...
so there's one group with only 3 members in....


The tutor asked anyone from our group to get in the other group so that there's 4 members in the group but then why us???
and what's worst WHY ME? 
why do i have to be the one that go out from my own group?
please la!!!
that's shit 5 girls should be "keluar" from the group...


What's worst one of the boys in our group ask me to go and join the other group!!!
At first i was shocked!!
Then i try not to listen to his words..then the tutor force me to join the other group!


Well i was ok at first...i just unwillingly went to the other group and do different experiment ....
But yet i was so sad...very very sad the fact that i have to be apart from akin and leeza...
I admit that i wanted to stay and be with them so that when i got problems in doing my lab report..there will be them to help me...and who i can ask for help...
but when i sit at the other table and look at their group no wonder the "boy" ask me to join my current group...cause they were SMART....they consist of very very intelligent people...then i suddenly have those negative thoughts ...
perhaps i wasn't so smart then i was the best choice to be kick out...


i wasn't angry or mad at anyone..it's just that was what i had in mind....my opinion...
i trusted my current group..perhaps we just so so but i hope we can prove to them that we're not just so-so..we do have the "thing" that could make you all jealous and proud....


yeah i'm stressed cause i feel so dumb and i don't know how to start my lab report until i give up and lazy to do anything...i can't even sleep well....that's why i thought about blogging and express all my sadness here...


I have MUET this Wednesday ...
I still have MATHS to revise ..
I still have loads of thing to do...
but yet here i am crying while blogging...
i do need this tears...at least i feel better a bit...
i can't scream and yell...
so the best thing is to cry...
the first thing i wanna do tomorrow is calling my mum...and tell her everything that's been going on....
i won't be crying tomorrow--that i guarantee ...
although Sully thinks that i might get stress about some one but then it's not him...don't worry...
it's because of my lab report,my tutorials, all that maths test..and MUET that was stressing me out ...
I finally figure it out...
For now i just don't know what to do.....


don't be a loser like me...
only loser will sulk and do things like i did now...smart people won't do like this...they always have confidence..


''A pessimist always finds difficulties in opportunities , but an optimist always finds opportunities in difficulties" 


Well I lost my confidence..and i find difficulties in simple thing!!! 
Oh GOD i need guidance...i don't want to be a loser!!!

Yeah it's October already..
It's the month of rosary..
blessed month..
Too bad..i cannot follow my communities and went house to house to pray..
But i can always pray here...
It's time to repent --for me..
I've sinned therefore i need to repent myself before it's too late...
hopefully under HIS guidance i shall be able to be a better person....
not doing the same mistakes ever again...
i'm really regret of what I've done...
anyway i'll try to turn a new leaf and be a better person...





The Creed
I believe in God,the Father of all almighty,creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of Holy spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified,died,and was buried.He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into heaven,and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins,the resurrection of the body,and life everlasting.Amen.

Our Father 
Our Father in heaven, holy be your name, your kingdom come,  you will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sins against us.Do not bring us to the test but delivered us from evil. Amen


Hail Mary
Hail Mary full of grace,the Lord is with you,blessed are you among women,and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus. Holy Mary,Mother of God,pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death.


Glory Be
Glory be to the Father,and to the Son,and to the Holy Spirit,as it was in the beginning is now, and will be forever.Amen.


Fatima Prayer
O my Jesus,forgive us our sins,save us from the fires of hell and bring all souls into heaven especially those who need most of your mercy.


Hail Holy Queen
Hail Holy Queen, Mother of mercy,our life,our sweetness,and our hope. To you do we cry,poor banished children of Eve; to you do we send up our signs,mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, O most gracious advocate , your eyes of mercy towards us, and after this our exile, show us the blessed fruit of your womb,Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.


Let us pray: O God, whose only begotten Son, by his life,death and resurrection,has purchased us the rewards of eternal salvation. Grant,we pray that by meditating upon these mysteries if the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise through the same Christ, our Lord. Amen


L:  May the divine assistance remain always with us.
R:  Amen.
L:  May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
R: Amen.
L: May the blessing of the Almighty God: Father, Son,and Holy Spirit descend upon us and remain with us always.
R: Amen.


Have a blessed month everyone ~.~

Who You Are Lyrics

Jessie J

I stare at my reflection in the mirrorWhy am I doing this to myself?Losing my mind on a tiny errorI nearly left the real me on the shelfNo, no, no, no, no
Don't lose it all in the blur of the starsSeeing is deceiving, dreaming is believingIt's okay not to be okaySometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losingEverybody's bruisingJust be true to who you are
Who you are, who you are, who you areWho you are, who you are, who you areWho you are, who you are, who you are
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeahThe more I try the less it's working, yeah, yeah, yeah'Cause everything inside me screamsNo, no, no, no, no
Don't lose it all in the blur of the starsSeeing is deceiving, dreaming is believingIt's okay not to be okaySometimes it's hard to follow your heart
But tears don't mean you're losingEverybody's bruisingThere's nothing wrong with who you are
Yes, no's, egos, fake shows like boomJust go and leave me aloneReal talk, real life, good luck, good nightWith a smile, that's my home, that's my home, noNo, no, no, no, no
Don't lose it all in the blur of the starsSeeing is deceiving, dreaming is believingIt's okay not to be okaySometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losingEverybody's bruisingJust be true to who you areYeah, yeah, yeah

few more hours left...oh yeah..i can feel the pressure...my heart beating so fast..my hands are shaking...
urgh~ finally the day has come, i'm gonna get my result today..
wow 4 days of waiting and stressing ..depression finally will end tomorrow..the Q is will it end with a happy ending or the opposite~

although i keep on telling myself and resisting myself from calling my mum, i eventually ended up pressing the green button of my phone..
it was hard to speak but i did it anyway...without crying...
i can sense that my mum was kinda sad but her voice...
yeah who wouldn't be sad if their children didn't do well in their exam...
my mom didn't mad at all..in fact all this time my parents never mad or angry at me if i didn't do well in exams....
they have faith in me and that's why i never fail in every exams....except in my curriculum or sports...
but now..i'm afraid that i'm gonna disappoint them for the first time...
i don't want it to be happened..
please ...let me through this time....
i'm scared now...
i watched movies and anime's with my roommates ...
i laugh out loud ..yelling ..hitting my friends with pillow..it was a happy moment..for a second, i forgot about everything..then when i stop doing that..my heart beats very fast...

in my thoughts that if i laughed happily today..would i burst into tears tomorrow..
i just had this weird thoughts and feelings...
i couldn't sleep well..could stop thinking that i might cry tomorrow...what is my results?
will i get what i want?
ahhhhhhhh

then i also had this feeling that i will be scold by the lecturer because of the copy paste thing for our assignment....
i only copy the points but i did my very own essay...
oh my...i'm going to have a bad day tomorrow..bad luck..why is everything not turning to the way i want?

" the more i try,the less is working" Jessie J - who you are...

i did try...but again i question myself did i try my best ??
enough for today...

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Mother Teresa

You are what you think you are, not what they say, not what they see, not what they hear, and not what they think

wow....
what a day...
i almost cry today...
we had this perjumpaan with our lecturers...well it's about our first semester result.
they wanna know what's our problems and why can't we get good pointers for first semester..
so there's a lot of advice's, open questions ( kena panggil nama juga --paksaan )
when dr sazmal ask is there anyone wanted to speak up or voice out their opinion or whatsoever 
i just stay still sitting there..listen to people complaints...and hoping that my name wont be call out cause if he ask me what's wrong ..i'm gonna tell him everything and my tears will never stop falling...
i thought that just now we gonna get our one on one conversation and i was actually looking forward for it! But it turn out that we gonna have that conversation after we get our result...
gosh!! i have to wait again??
seriously i so tired of waiting cause all this waiting making me crazy and stress...
i couldn't focus on my studies and everything..
there's no one that i could express all my worries to!!!!


at least if i have my one on one conversation with any of the lecturers i'll be feeling ok a bit...
i wanna tell them that i keep on questioning if i choose the right path? should i drop out? should i give up? should i stop or should i change my habit? be confident? not afraid of asking question? don't be so self-conscious? 
i don't know why but there's always something that pulling me back when i actually have the courage to do something..there's always this " thing" stupid "thing" that pulling me back....


maybe that " thing" is me=myself!
i'm the one that thinking much..to shy to ask Q's in front of people...think too much about others ..what's their impression if i did this,did that---when actually people don't care, in fact they'll be glad if you ask something that they scare to ask for....
gosh i should have think about that point! not everybody perfect...in fact nothing PERFECT in this world...btw..perfect is boring... imagine if the world is so perfect in everything ..wouldn't it be dull?? and you don't need to do anything in your life and there's no up's and down's that gonna give a taste of bitter,sour,sweet and hot in your life!!!


nobodies perfect ..bear it in mind....
now i realized that you must not care about others ..just care about yourself...
it's tiring too to take care of others business when you have your OWN problems...
anyway 1 more day left until i get my result....
take this a lesson everyone...
i believe that every dark cloud has a silver lining...
i've learnt my lesson, i never wanted to repeat the same mistake twice...
this is the path that i choose..no matter what i couldn't stop nor turning back..there's no turning back only a  one way direction!


you don't wanna mess with your studies or life right?
cause in the end your the one who would enjoy it or who would regret it!
think wisely in choosing the life that you wanna life...


that's all for today ~.~
   

did i chose the right path???
i keep on questioning myself did i chose the right path by entering science class...
hmmm....now at ASASI UMS--so stressful!!!
i didn't do well in my final exam for semester 1 and i'm totally regret about it...
our lecturer told us that there's quite a few people get 2.5 pointer above and when and there's two person got 2.5 below...and when he say that he's like say it while looking at me...
i was like is he saying about me???
arghhhh...
i have a feeling that i might not be getting 3.0 pointer above...
i wanted it so badly...even if i get exact 3.0 i would be grateful enough and push myself to achieve better result in semester 2 & 3.


how am i gonna face my parents and aunt and uncle???
my god....
why do i keep repeating the same mistake???
i don't want to disappoint my parents..
they have high hopes and faith in me...


i just count my pointer that i targeted ...and it sucks...really below 3.0
i feel like wanna cry but the thing is it's my own fault...
i didn't make the perfect preparation to sit for my exam...
i take it easy and laze around...
but i did try my best not that i play all the time...i studied!!!
is there anything wrong with my ways of study?? did i missed something or lack of  exercises?? 


uhhhh...i really wanted to have 3.0 pointer above....i need this pointers so badly!!! 
this friday is the day ...
i'm so scare and nervous about my result...
what if i didn't get what i expected no no what i WANT???
should i be giving up or work my ass out? 
anyway i just pray to GOD and hopefully i can make my parents proud.  

Based on psychologic study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love.


hahah is this true? 
can you imagine it..if you can get along with your crush in that maximum 4 months then suddenly you are madly in love with him/her...


i do have a crush on someone and that feeling never seem to be gone or fade away~
is this count as love? coz it's on and off...
anyway..couple days ago i've decided to forget about him...hahahaha how funny ...
but yet i kept on thinking about him...


it takes me a long time to make this decision ...ahh i don't wanna talk about it....no fun at all...gonna write about my holidays then~ catch up

Lambat post....suppose to post this months ago~
Once again annyeonghaseyo..........

this is really cute~.~ hahah

how i wish i could draw ..i mean literally good in art...

when i draw a cat..it turn out to be a lion or something that is so hideous~ lol that's me....

but luckily and thank god i can draw those specimens that i observed during bio class...lalalala at least there something i could proud of in art....just that

my goodness,,,